The feeling of loss

Kids internalize pain differently than adults. I believe that this is so because as we get older we become desensitized to the feeling of the loss of a loved one. As we get older we soon begin to understand that people don't live forever.

Take for instance, 4 year old son and his way of coping with sickness. His grandpa gets sick and we go to visit him in the hospital. For the first time in my son's early life he sees his grandpa hooked up to all types of machines. You can tell he understands the situation somewhat. His grandpa tries to give him a couple of high-fives to reassure my son that he is ok but my son says "no pop pop, I don't want to hurt your hand."

Let's fast forward a few months. My son has created a game that he plays at night as he is fling asleep. A game in which he uses his bear and some cars to save his grandpa. The following is some of the playtime that I overheard:

Grandpa: help me, help me !
Cars: I will save you. Ka-chow!!!!!
Bear: I will kill you!
Grandpa: save me!
Cars: I will beat you up forever. Let's get out of here grandpa. Ka-chow!

To him whether imagination or not, my son has incorporated his play time into a way to cope with reality. I think that if we were to watch how our children played more often we would realize that their reality is just as real and important as ours.

So when it comes to the future I hope I don't drop the ball in helping my kids find a positive outlet for dealing with a loss of a loved one. That by far, will be a greater task than a regular doctors visit.